Many of the recent posts on this site have focused on the struggle and difficulties we have faced in light of Anja’s diagnosis of cancer. And as much as we certainly do have enormous difficulty coping with all of this every single day, we also make sure we have time to smile, laugh and even joke around about it all. The only crazy thing with all of this though, is that even though WE can laugh, when we mention this attitude to other people they look at us as if we have truly lost the plot.

The thing is, even before all this came upon us, we both knew exactly how we felt about death and all it entails. The whole ‘funeral thing’ has been an issue with which we see absolutely no point. Consequently, there has been a very strong element of truth in our jokes when we say to each other ‘When I die, just throw me in the wheelie bin – and remember to close the lid.’ I mean, isn’t the way in which we all choose to be ‘disposed’, totally up to each individual? Sure, we need a clean, sanitary method and we are not against other people doing whatever they want in terms of burials and cremations. So yes, we do respect other people’s ideas and beliefs. But for us, the cheapest and quickest method, with the least pain for the person left behind, has always been our perspective.

So we have already arranged for the manner in which Anja’s body will be ‘disposed’, once she leaves this world in mind and soul and nothing but her body remains. A simple ‘cheap’ cremation for those you who really want to know, with no trimmings, no extras and no fuss. This may sound callous of me, but believe me when I tell you, this is what we have both agreed on long ago and is not the result of either of us being cheapskates.

So what do we laugh at? Well, death itself in many different ways, but more than that, the unknown elements that death brings to us all. As already mentioned, we are not spiritual or religious people and we have no idea what lies before us. Perhaps your beliefs allow for a sense of security or comfort in what death brings, but that is not the case for us. So, we make jokes about the funeral ‘farce’, the expectations of society at such a ’serious and revered’ time, and we even joke about what happens to your body as it decomposes and rots away. Sounds morbid I guess, but when you are at this point in your life, you see life differently.

For instance, recently we had a discussion about what Anja would like to be wearing when she was cremated and being the person she is, I knew the answer would not be the norm. In fact, I was already thinking along the same lines when she said she started to tell me that she would like to be cremated in the costume she bought a little while back. You see, Anja went to this fancy dress party dressed up as The Corpse Bride, complete with the black and white roses, the white face, and looking pretty much like the female persona of death itself. However, what makes this even more bizarre [and really makes Anja laugh openly about it] is the fact that even though you know me as James [as does everyone in real life too], my birth name is Tim – surname Burton. Yep that’s right -  Anja wants to do it all properly and be cremated as Tim Burton’s Corpse Bride. Considering we have only been married for approximately 18 months, she says this is the obvious choice. And who am I to argue? Our humour has always been somewhat ‘black’, so why change it now.

And Anja makes jokes about her ashes. Her favourite hobby of late has been to ask everybody to have a barbeque in her honour when she is gone. That’s right – a proper barbeque with meat and salads and so on – and she whispers out aloud to everyone within earshot, ‘just make sure you all throw a few of my ashes around the place too, so you can feel me with you…’

Putting all of this into written words gives the whole laughter thing we experience, a different taint, but you know, with death actually staring us in the face and with both of us absolutely out of our minds with the stress, anxiety and uncertainty that awaits us in the very near future, well then, laughter, humour [even if bizarre and surreal tothe extreme] is really not as strange it may at first appear.

Possibly related but probably not...

• Friends in time of crisis
• DEATH: The Final Frontier
• Anja passed away today
• And then there is despair
• Diabetes in a sweet world