Comments on: Anja passed away today

By: wendy

wendy — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 14:54:43 +0000

I lost my husband Oct. 27th this year 2009. he was only 44 it was the same cancer that took my mother. losing your mother then your husband it just too much to bare. my chest is very heavyand the lump in my throat, hole in my heart and stomach is only getting worse. it’s almost to the point I can’t breath. I am closing myself off I feel.
I have lost 1/2 my hair and i’m so thin. I don’t know how to turn this around.
I believe the only thing that keeps me going is websites like this. just to know i’m not the only one struggling for one more breath.
god bless

By: sue

sue — Sat, 27 Dec 2008 20:21:10 +0000

Hello James,

just thinking of you-

By: Scott

Scott — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 20:18:43 +0000

James, I found this site by doing a search. My beautiful wife, Susan, passed away on October 27, 2008. We found out she had brain cancer in 2005 and she had successful surgery and chemo. We thought all was well and Susan was healthy until a new tumor was spotted on her MRI this April. It progressed quickly. Susan was 38, I am 37 and we had no children. We were trying to conceive in 2005 and were in the process of applying for adoption this April. Like you, I lost my best friend, my lover, my soul mate and the center of my life and everything I do. I feel that same hole in my life and her absence in everything. Susan too was a one in a billion, happy, beautiful woman whose smile could light up the world. I feel so lost and sometimes wish God would take me and let me be with Susan and not here. I saw this page and was compelled to share a similar story. I would be willing to bet from what I read that Susan and Anja have met in heaven. Thanks for sharing and for letting me get this off of my chest as well.

Take care,
Scott

By: Liz

Liz — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 19:04:49 +0000

Hi James,

I remember after my grandmother died, that Saturday was the worst day of the week. I was trying to remember what you said, since Anja died at home, if she was in hospice. I was wondering if so, if there’s a group for bereavement or grieving? It is so important not to stay alone — the emotions can get so big and talking to others going through a similar thing can make a huge difference.

And you too will help others just by their hearing your story. If we online who do not even know you can be affected and helped, imagine your presence for someone who has just lost someone too. This is something you can offer.

I was wondering too if Anja asked for anything for her to be done for her after her passing. Maybe just taking one step a day towards such a project could help for that hour. I know in my grief it was hours — minutes even — not days. Time takes on a different quality.

A friend of mine who is a professional in hospice told me that England has an amazing network of hospice and grieving resources. I found some links and put them here: http://delicious.com/lizhamill/deathanddying

You were a great “carer” for Anja…please take care of yourself and for all the other Anjas in the world……..

Liz

By: Troy in Las Vegas

Troy in Las Vegas — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 20:51:02 +0000

My sincerest and deepest sympathies.
Be well Friend.

By: Liz

Liz — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 19:02:49 +0000

It is SO painful, James…it just is.

By: James

James — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 15:01:04 +0000

@ Liz
‘Something I especially love’

That’s a hard one.

Like anyone in my situation of losing a best friend and loved one, as the hours/days/weeks pass by, I have started to reflect on my own life, past and present. What it was is now no longer applies and I see a huge mountain range before me with hardly any will to climb at all.

I know I am experiencing all the normal emotions and feelings that are expected in this situation and I am trying desperately to move on. But the will and motivation is weak – almost non-existent.

I am a loner by nature, and have never sought friendships. And yet for the first time in my life, I find myself wishing I had a someone to talk to, someone who will listen to me, be with me and simply be there when I need them. I feel like a child who has lost his security blanket. I feel so absolutely alone!

Anja was my best friend in so many different ways. And suddenly she is gone. I talk to her photos, I hug her cuddly toys, I still find myself making her coffee, buying things she always liked when I go shopping and feeling her presence all around me. I miss her more and more as each day passes.

I do not know what I love to do any more. I am losing my sense of even who I am.

In essence, I have lost the will to live…

By: Liz

Liz — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 19:45:15 +0000

Please do something you especially love. Ice cream, some extra time with a favorite book, a dinner with a good friend, whatever it might be. Waving to you from near the South Pole…

By: Barbara

Barbara — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 05:40:47 +0000

Wondering every day how you are coping – I can’t begin to imagine it.
Waking up every morning, getting through the day and not letting despair take over:
it must be awful.
Our thoughts are with you and we wish you much strength.
You are always welcome here James if you are in Holland.
We are just so glad that we saw you both last November.
Love from Tom & Barbara.

By: sue

sue — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 20:37:33 +0000

Oh, James. I am so very sad.

Once again, I wish you strength.

Sterkte.